Influence is a two-way street. Everything you do and say has some influence on others - you are part of their external environment. You even exert a small degree of gravitational force on others, indeed, you exert gravitational force on the planet! Not a lot admittedly, but your mass does attract other mass. You knew that you should have paid attention in science class now. Just as aside, it’s quite a useful factoid for use when you have gained a few pounds of weight - you do so in order to become more attractive! That’s put paid to the glamour magazines.
The same is trues for other people exerting their influence over you. Everything that other people say or do is a part of your external environment and that exerts an influence in turn over your behaviour.
The external environment beyond other human beings, also has some influence over you. The weather for example - when it is raining, it is quite likely that you would alter your ‘normal’ behaviour by carrying an umbrella, or wearing a rain-proof coat. You know for sure that the weather can have a major influence over your golf. When there is lightening, you would wisely move away from the fairways under the trees or into the clubhouse. Being struck by lightening is one influence that everyone can do without.
The problem with influence is that human beings have a tendency to assume that there is little you can do to change the way something influences you. Well, let me put this straight. You can and you do.
Let us take an example of something that influences us and we do something about it- almost fight its influence on our lives. One that affects us all and that is our friend gravity. You see, gravity is ever present in our lives - there are a few exceptions but since that involvestravelling into space I think I can safely assume that does not include you. If, by chance you have travelled into space - my question is - how far can you hit a drive out there? Must be awesome.
Back to earth. Gravity is a pretty constant force acting on our bodies - in order to combat the effects of gravity we develop muscles and utilise energy to stand against it. Only when we are physically damaged - break a leg, twist an ankle, suffer paralysis and so on, do we truly appreciate how much effort is involved in keeping our body upright and moving. When we are reasonably fit and well, we think little or nothing of getting up from a chair and walking, and most of the time, we do all this unconsciously. We have programmed our brain to take care of operating the correct muscles, keeping balance, walking, and all the while supplying those muscles and cells with energy through breathing and circulating our blood. Now, if you had to consciously work out how to do all this stuff that we simply take for granted, you’d not have a great deal of time to think about much else - at least, not consciously.
What’s the point of this? Well, it’s simple really - there are many many things occurring in your life, including when you practice and play golf, that influence your behaviour. Some things we cannot change - gravity, weather, daylight, animals etc. and we can choose to what extent we allow such to affect us and our behaviours. We can choose to be at cause for ourselves or at the effect of the environment and others. In other words, I’m disabling your potential for ‘excuses’.
Cause and Effect
Are you at cause for influencing yourself to greater things or are you at the effect of others, the environment and the outside world.
In golf, there are only two things that affect your game. Yes, sorry, just the two things. The first is physics. The golf ball, your clubs, the course are all subject to the laws of physics.
You might say that the weather changes the way the ball behaves. Yes indeed it can and does, cool air temperatures effect the turbulence of the air and hence the flight of the ball… just physics.
You might suggest that your swing technique changes the way you strike the ball and hence its direction and distance - yes true - just physics.
The only part of golf that is not directly about physics is the you part - not your technique, strength, everything physical is, well physics. No, the only non-physical part is mental. There are those that will scientifically argue that this too is physics - after all, the mental part is about electrons, neurons etc that obey the laws of physics. Yes this may be true, however, there is an important distinction, you can do nothing about the laws of physics. Not a thing. Rien. Zip. Nada. Naff all. Zero. You can’t change it - you can use it - because the laws of physics don’t change - knowing what physics is at work and how to use that knowledge to increase distance, improve direction and so on - now that’s useful knowledge - see, you now wish that you’d paid more attention in school. The distinction is that the mental part of the game is something that you can change. Yes the neurons and so on that carry the messages and inform the parts of the body to do what they do will do so, because they obey the laws of physics. It is the message that they carry that you can change. Now, since this actually applies to everything in your life it could be a revelatory moment for you in everything.
So, we come back to the basic critical decision point. Are you at cause or effect? Do you cause your golf ball to fly in a particular direction? Yes, of course you do. Do you allow your playing partner to effect your playing? Do you allow the weather to effect your playing? The answer is that all things going on in your surroundings will effect your playing - because they effect your mental attitude, they effect the message that you send to your muscles.
How much you allow external events to effect your playing is your choice.
It’s important to preface this section with a reminder that everyone, every single human being has a choice to do something, or not do it. To learn something, or not to. Everything we do inthis life is a choice. Yes, there are many many (far too many) people on this planet who do not have a good choice - or a ‘real’ choice. There are, too many people who’s struggle for life overwhelms their choices in life. The choice to live or die in such circumstances, is however difficult or impossible, still a choice. Please realise that I am not denigrating anyone here, nor am I saying it’s easy simply because I assert that they have a choice. I simply want to ensure that you have a mindset that you can be at choice. Improving the opportunities for choice for the millions of those with little real choice is another matter entirely.
So, if you are at choice, which frequency do you listen, cause or effect?
How you influence others is somewhat obvious, but how you influence yourself is perhaps a little more obscure. We will take the obvious route first and then apply it to self. In the Mind Advantage, we are very strongly focussing on your self-leadership - how you lead yourself to greatness in golf. In our workouts on the Leadership advantage, this section is much bigger and meatier - because leadership is pretty much all about influencing others.
How do you influence yourself?
When we ask this question in our workouts, we are usually met with blank stares at first. i call them ‘blank stares’ because to be looked at as if you are completely off your trolley isn’t something I choose to reinforce. The first response from that first brave soul suggests that there is no need to influence oneself. Basically, it runs like this: I decide to do something, I tell myself to do it, and I do it. No influence is required. I don’t have to ask myself nicely, or threaten myself with unpleasant consequences, or persuade myself that it will be worthwhile. Really? If we could slow down the thought processes going on, you might think differently.
let’s take a slightly different approach. I suspect that you have, inside you, at least two ‘voices’ - the pro voice and the con voice. The optimist and the pessimist. The good and the bad. You may have more, you may not consider them as ‘voices’ - that’s OK, I hope that you can work with me on the concept for a little while.
Let’s say that this is two radio stations, 55.5 and 66.6. The first station on 55.5 is supportive - bolstering your ego, always proud of you and your achievements. The second, on 66.6 is the doubter, always casting doubts in your mind, running you down, always suggesting that others are trying to get you, that you should not listen to 55.5, it always lets you down - you never realise the dreams that 55.5 suggests. 66.6 reminds you of the difficulties you had the last time you tried to do this or that. How nothing ever works for you, that it’s all about luck and fate and chance and that you just are not a lucky person. If you buy a lottery ticket, you will always miss by one number at best. That nobody else deserves to win anything either. Basically, this is a bad voice.
I can see some of you nodding your heads as you read this. Don’t worry, you’re not schizophrenic - this is normal, everyone has this going on. Some days it’s like a continuous debate, others, one or both are quiet with little to say. You know you have a problem when you cannot distinguish between the voices and which of you is real.
So, which station do you tune into?
Here’s the two stations output for a few common golfing scenarios…
66.6
Approaching the first Tee on competition day: ‘Well, it’s a lovely morning with plenty of gusty breezes to knock your ball off centre, and a touch of rain in the air, but very unpredictable whether it’ll rain now or later. You did some good practice yesterday but you know it’ll all go to pieces today don’t you? You know that you always screw up on the first drive and there’s no mulligans today. See your competition today, wow, that first group were good weren’t they. No chance you’ll keep up with them is there. Still, perhaps you can just enjoy the game for a change and not worry about winning or losing - after all you know you’ll lose, so why get your hopes up? Ridiculous game, I don’t know why you bother, should have stayed home and cut the grass. be more useful than out here, being mocked by your friends… oh no, talking of which, there they are, why do they have to come and watch my first drive. They’ll cough or chatterjust as I’m lining up, I know they will. Oh well, my turn now, what a disaster, prepare for the worst and don’t get angry…
First Tee shot: So nicely lined up, but then anyone can put a ball on a tee can’t they. Now settle down, breath, how’s the grip - that instructor why did he have to change my grip, it won’t work. Right align my feet, look up, look down, those people down there, are in my line, why do they have to stand there, don’t they know they could be hit… calm yourself, that’s right, may as well get calm now, because once you hit it there won’;t be any calm left, And if you screw up this drive, it’ll all be downhill for the whole day. never recover, so get this right. Wiggle the bum, yes nice, settle, legs bent just right, what if my weight shifts before I strike then hit those people standing there. i wouldn’t mind hitting that smug bastard - he’s such a flash git. Custom clubs, custom balls, bet he cheats, never puts a foot wrong, wipe that smug grin off his face, I’ll show ‘im. Back swing, nice, but is it right, no of course not, arm down, elbow’s bent at the wrong time, as usual, THWACK….. follow-through may as well let go of the club, it’ll go further anyway.
In spite of this, by some divine intervention, the ball soars through the air and lands smack down the middle of the fairway, 220 yards at least beautifully set up for a second onto the green and a possible birdie: Whoa - didn’t know you had it in you. Nice shot, so lucky, you’d never do that again, not in a month of Sundays. Still, plenty of time to screw up yet…
ENOUGH!
Sorry, I just can’t write anymore of this - it’s just too depressing. Is this you? And, were you the one who said that they didn’t influence themselves?
55.5 on the same situation…
What a beautiful day, a few gusts, possible rain in the air. Be a good idea to look at the trees as we walk down the course, see where the gusts are going. if it rains, we’ll change clubs and, quick, borrow an umbrella from Jim there, he can pop back and get another from his car. So nice that my friends are here to cheer me on. Great guys. Now I’m going to show them a great drive. I can see it now, smack down the middle of the fairway, perfect for a chip up to the green and a birdie. I can’t wait to pick up that trophy at the end of the day. Good to have some strong competition - nothing better than a real challenge.
First Tee shot: Breath nice and deep, slow my heartbeat and see that drive. A little gusty from left to right over those trees, just align a fraction to the left because this ball’s going to soar above that line. Glove, into the zone. Complete focus, nice alignment, well done, now a beauty practice swing, nice and loose in the shoulders. Firm stance, good lad, check alignment, now trust your swing. THWACK.
In spite of this, by some divine intervention, the ball soars through the air and too far to the left, way over to the left and lands smack down into the rough by the trees, maybe even really in the trees: Beautiful drive, well done, aligned just a little too far left, so we’ll make sure to fix that. I think maybe the wind dropped as well. Nice lay-up for the second shot - I can use that chip techniques I learned from watching Seve on TV, good for a par if I’m really in the rough, and good for a birdie if it’s not too long. Good, well done.
Now, which station do you want to listen to? The one that derides you no matter how great you are, or the one that supports you and encourages you no matter how poor the shot?
I don’t care says someone, so long as I hit great shots I’ll put up with either. Fair enough. Which one do you think will help you enjoy your game? Which one will help you towards a stroke lying ill in bed feeling miserable and no-one coming to visit because you don’t even like yourself, let alone anyone else?
Extreme? Sadly no. Go find the most miserable-faced player in your local club and ask them which station they tune into.
Human communications model
As human beings, we can choose to be at cause and in charge of a very large number of factors within our brains that affect the way we behave in any given context.
Let me take you through an simplified example of how our brain processes external events, then you can identify what must be happening inside your own mind.
You intend to play a game of golf this morning. You arise, look out of the window and see grey skies and a little rain falling.
What happens now depends on your previous experience right?
The external event is visual - you see the clouds and rain. It is auditory - you hear the rain hitting the ground, roof and so on. When you step outside, it is kinaesthetic, you will feel the water hitting you, the air will smell fresh(er), you may even taste the rain. You will feel the cooler air. You know that it is raining.
Obvious right? Sure? Ok then, how do you know it is raining? That’s right. You’ve experienced it before. You have processed the data ‘sensed’ from the external environment, passed these experiences through your brain which has tallied the sensory experiences with a similar event in the past (or a combination of events) and applied a word or phrase which adequately describes the external event for you.
You will also realise that different people will react differently to this exact same external event and use different words or phrases to describe the situation. If you are in the UK it’s possible that a phrase such as “miserable weather”, “drizzle”, “slight rain”, “downpour” would be used. it is also likely that your tine of voice would be suggestive of dissatisfaction, or unhappiness, or resignation or something similar. If, on the other hand, you were a golf course manager whose course desperately needed water, you’d likely use different words and express a tone of relief, happiness, pleasure. Same event, different behaviours manifest… because the context has changed.
Let’s dig a little deeper. When we experience an external event through our senses, the incoming data stream that hits our eyes, ears, skin, nostrils, tongue registers in the millions of bits of data. All of this data is coming to us and our brains restrict the amount of data that is processed - typically a human being processes between 5 and 9 chunks of data at once - averaging 7 chunks of data and around 300-500 kbits of data (?? check numbers) We have filtered the incoming data stream and reduced the volume of data requiring processing. We ignore all the other data. Unconsciously we have chosen which data to process. So how do we filter?
Some of the data that we accept for processing is not important to us. Based on our previous experiences, we delete that data which we consider is not relevant. (Husbands, ask your wife about this - you do it all the time. Wives, you’re right, it appears that husbands don’t listen, that’s because they think it is not relevant - it is done unconsciously).
Some of the data that we have chosen to process, does not quite fit with our preferred experiences and we distort it to our preferences. That is, we bias our fresh data with past experiences.
Some of the data we process is recognised as a momentary event - you might say that we don’t really have sufficient data to be certain about this reality, so we generalise - again based on our previous experiences.
All of this non-deleted, distorted generalised dat is processed through our own language, memories, decisions, values and beliefs, attitudes and our very personal way of deleting, distorting and generalising.
This process then provides us with our very own, unique internal representation of the external event.
It is based on this internal representation that is influenced by and influences out internal state (the way we feel) which in turn triggers changes in our physiology and the behaviour we exhibit.
Wow! And that all happens in nano-seconds!
So what’s wrong with that? Absolutely nothing. Our brains are phenomenal organs and more powerful than any computer is or can ever be.
The important point here is to understand that we filter, in our own unique way, the external events occurring around us all the time. No two individuals will see exactly the same external event (they even experience it form different places in time and place), and even if they were in exactly the same spot - they would have a different internal representation of the same event. Each individuals changes in physiology will be different (maybe very subtle, but different nonetheless) and no two individuals will behave in exactly the same way as a result.
The good news is that you can leverage some control over your own filters. The even better news is that, we can learn how the great players, the great leaders, those people that you most admire, filter similar external events. The truly great news is that you can apply some, or all of the same filters into your processing.
You may not be able to physically swing like Tiger, or Nick, or Jack, or Seve - but you can think like them. You can process data in a way that is very similar to them. Want to?
Change this section to be a focus on looking at others first - how they demonstrate their influence - easier for people to view others than view self and less debate. Also highlights behaviours and manifestations (which we can change through attitude, character values etc,
Meantime, self-influence is an oft-neglected situation.
There are, according to John C. Maxwell, five levels of influence - each with their own rights and each with their power to influence.
Level 1 - Position - This is when you have the positional authority (aka power) over someone else and they have to follow because of the power relationship. The most familiar situation when this is displayed is between children and their parent - in the never ending cycle of “why do I have to?” the exasperated parent running short of arguments or more frequently, time, responds “because I said so!” never an effective nor motivational response, but it sums up how leaders finally resort to this positional power to cause someone else to have to do something.
Level 2 - Permission - based on relationships - where people follow because they want to as they have a good relationship with you
Level 3 - Production - based on results that you have demonstrably achieved for the organisation. People follow because of what you have done for the organisation
Levels 4 - People Development - based on reproduction - people follow because of what you have done for them personally. This is the top level for most people and is only achieved with those you have personally developed - though your reputation for enabling others to excel will allow a superior level 3 (results)
Level 5 - Person-hood - based on respect - sadly very very few people will ever achieve this. Though its the level that many aspire to have or rather believe in themselves that others should simply respect them (usually these are disenfranchised level 1 leaders who demand ‘respect’ from authority rather than earn the genuine respect and admiration of others through their actions and continual display of care and concern for others, the organisation and standing up for forthright and important values.
Your ability to influence others is often misunderstood at best, and reliant on ‘luck’ at worst. Few leaders in the world understand their position of influence with each of their constituents and fewer still, work a deliberate plan to increase their influential effectiveness with others.
Something that I believe is a much worse situation, is that many people neglect to develop and improve their influence of themselves. Odd? I don’t need to influence myself. If I tell myself to do something, I simply do it. Exactly, that’s why so few people consider the importance of this. We work on the simple assumption that we don’t need to influence ourselves. Maybe not, but building the habits of higher levels of influence with others starts with ourselves. Let’s discuss these five levels in respect to self-influence.
Level 1 - Position. Are you in a superior position - i.e. a position of authority of yourself? Do you have power over yourself?
For example, you know that in order to improve your golf game, you need to do some good stretching exercises. Others have told you this, your instructor, magazines, peers and so on. Do you do it? Some of you do - well done. Most of you don’t.
You also have a busy life, what with work, family, kids, social activities, friends and so on. In order for you to ensure that you practice your golf suitably and regularly to improve, you have organised your priorities such that you always practice when you plan to? Yes, I hear you, family and unexpected events do crop up don’t they. Hmmm, influence? Over others and self?
Basically, most people do not have positional power over them self. A few will exercise this and may be referred to as having an ‘iron will’, be ‘determined’, or be ‘uncompromising’. For others, if you find that you need others to push you along every time, you might like to change this situation.
Okay then, Level 2 - Permission - based on relationships. Do you have a good relationship with yourself? Do you. honestly now, like yourself? Do you enjoy and appreciate the relationship that you have with yourself?
Some of you do, and that’s excellent, again, most do not - at least if they are honest with themselves.
Weird, namby pamby, osft clap trap. Oh that it were. The psychiatrists chairs are filled with people whose relationship with self has irreparably broken down. Unfortunately this isn’t just psychological bull - it’s a genuine problem. And basically, if you don’t like yourself, you won’t follow your requests.
Ever find yourself struggling to take your own, perfectly good advice? You know it’s the right or the best thing to do, but simply are not being influenced by someone that you actually like.
Perhaps you skipped the first two levels (or think you did, because we actually go tup the levels as we mature - still, the first two could have been climbed in childhood). Level 3 - Production. You accept the influence of you having made good performance enhancing decisions in the past.
This is where you practice well, and properly because your experience has been to win competitions, beat your peers (whatever you have as results) - you have achieved the results you set out to achieve. Now you ‘believe’ yourself when you request yourself to continue the process. A good level of influence to be - there’s still a spot higher we could use, but so long as you constantly present yourself with appropriate results, this will suffice.
Better still, is to reach level 4 influence - People development - where you influence yourself because you have developed yourself effectively before and it has done you good. These individuals are true self-starters. Often they learn for the pure love of learning - they don’t need external impetus as a necessary ‘reason’. They respect their personal development, they make time for themselves, they indulge in everything that they want to indulge in and know, always, that every opportunity to learn is a learning experience.
Will you reach level 5 - person-hood? Do you, indeed can you, respect yourself. Now, I have worked with many people to work on this - and they successfully achieve it. The people at this level with themselves you meet who are very ‘centred’ - strong in their values or live a ‘principled’ life. Nothing seems to ruffle them, overly worry them - and, incidentally, they treat everyone around them with respect as well… they are at, or near this level with themselves.
Now, there are going to be some people out there reading this, or hearing this and thinking that it’s a load of crock. Of course, you are entitled to your opinion and I am always happy to debate the concept in the furtherance of people being able to get the best out of themselves. Meantime, I just ask -do you talk to yourself? Do you ever have a debate going on - it doesn’t mean you have to speak out loud - self-talk can be entirely internal. You do? Who then, are you talking to?
Weighing up the pro’s and con’s - presenting yourself with a balanced argument… perhaps you want to buy a new set of clubs. Now, this is not a decision to be taken lightly. New clubs, can cost a small fortune - indeed a large fortune too. As you go through the internal debate, you are influencing yourself one way or the other.
Let’s work on a hypothetical situation. You have been playing golf for some time. You’re instructor has recommended that you buy new clubs to fit your body - your current set inherited from your father who was 6 inches shorter than you. You have no major crisis in your family requiring your savings immediately and you are in a suitably secure financial situation - but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. It’s a new set of clubs or, a longer summer holiday. You love to play golf and want the new clubs to assist yourlength and, let’s face it, the old clubs have a few deep scratches and maybe the alignment is off…
Someone at Level 1 - probably needs their spouse to tell them to buy the new clubs. Or, they will buy the clubs regardless of any other pressing needs.
At Level 2, they would consider the new clubs a treat to self for some good behaviour - or just ‘because I deserve it’.
At level 3, this person knows that the new clubs will enable them to win the tournament, by shaving at least 3, maybe 6 strokes off their game.
At level 4, this person knows that in order to improve beyond the level they are at now, and to continue challenging and learning will require more precision and greater length possible with the new clubs.
At level 5 - this person simply knows that this is the right choice to make and respects their own decision.
Now, where would you like to be with yourself? That’s tight, level 3, 4 or 5 - I’ll guess that this is one level beyond your current level. So how? Well, that’s the seed planted. If you are at level 1 - struggling to attain level 2 - I recommend that you seek professional help. I don’t mean a psychiatrist - I mean a coach. If you are at level 1, chances are very high that there is no-one in your life currently at level 4 - i.e. no-one that you respect for how they have developed you as an individual. This is the person you want as a coach ideally. Short of that, ask around - or get onto our website, we’ll happily point you to someone we’ve worked with in the past who might be suitable.
Those of you at level 2, wanting to get to level 3 - production or results… You could start with your instructor ,or your regular playing partners. Tell them to help you push yourself. It’s amazing once you start to get the results you want - then you’ll respect yourself for it and rely less and less on others influencing you.
Level 3 to level 4 - this, I believe, is about the love to learn for the sake of it. You can start with learning something you have thought till now as being ‘impossible’. Right-handed players learning to play left-handed. Shoot targets. Play games like ‘bag grab’. Best of all, start someone new on golf - help them learn.
Level 4 to level 5, I believe that this is when you find yourself and what you really really believe in. It’s a higher calling, beyond self. It is, for me, ridding myself of the self-righteousness, the ego if you will and knowing that you have a purpose in this life.
There are other aspects of influence in this game as well. It is not entirely self-focussed.
The way we play, the confidence that we exude, the way we allow our character to come out - all of these have an influence on those around us.
For example. How would you feel if you were matched with Tiger Woods for a tournament? No doubt a mixture of emotions - some pride (after all, other people consider you good enough to go up against him), a little fear perhaps?, intimidated? challenged?
Now, my guess is that you would put Tiger Woods at level 3 - results, or level 5 person-hood in respect to yourself - right? If you’re fortunate enough to have been developed by him, well level 4. Great. If Tiger suggested that you change your grip - you’d do it right? If it helped, fantastic, if it completely screwed the shot - your ‘respect’ would change wouldn’t it?
Where is your instructor in relation to you? Your playing partners? Your friends? Your spouse? Whilst we’re on it… your boss? your colleagues?
Where are you in terms of influence in relation to them? Oh, and the life changing question… where are you in relation to your kids? Whoa - interesting huh? Hey if you get above level 2 with your kids - you are doing very very well. Oh, and your spouse? parents? Anyone important to you in your life.
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